Confidence Is Not Magic. It Is Practice.

A few weeks back, I stumbled upon a TikTok video where a statement truly hit home: Confidence is not a personality trait but a skill. As I walked my dog later that day and many more nights after that, I reflected on this simple yet powerful sentence. Confidence is not a personality trait but a skill.

For most of my life, I mistook confidence for a trait possessed by the lucky few. I often wondered why I found myself lacking it. I have always enjoyed reading books and watching movies and TV shows where the underdog, often the main character, goes against all odds. Equipped with inner strength and confidence, they fight the biggest battles and villains. I admired heroes like Katniss in The Hunger Games, June in The Handmaid’s Tale, Sarah Connor in Terminator, Rey in The Last Jedi, Sansa Stark in Game of Thrones, Eleven in Stranger Things, Clarke in The 100, Claire Underwood in House of Cards, The Bride in Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2, and Ellen Ripley in Aliens. These women inspired me with their self-assurance and willingness to risk everything to achieve their goals.

As I walked my dog and pondered the phrase “Confidence is not a personality trait but a skill,” I realized I had misjudged situations repeatedly. Confidence is not a fixed attribute but a skill that can be cultivated over time, with practice and the right mindset. None of the women I admired in fiction were confident by nature; they cultivated confidence to reach their goals.

What is Confidence?

According to The Britannica Dictionary, confidence is a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something. It’s the ability to trust in one’s skills and judgment to handle various situations. While some individuals exude confidence naturally through their charisma, it’s not something people are born with. Instead, we all acquire and cultivate it throughout our lives. Society, media, and social platforms often perpetuate the misconception that confidence is an innate trait, only possessed by the lucky few. This leads many of us to believe that some people are simply born confident while the rest of us struggle with self-doubt.

Confidence is a Skill

Like any other skill, confidence can be cultivated by all of us. To do so, it requires willingness, dedication, and effort. It also requires stepping outside our comfort zones.

How Do We Build Confidence?

Although I’ve become more confident over the years, I still find myself in situations where I lack confidence and heavily doubt myself. Important meetings, presentations, and articles I want to publish often trigger this self-doubt. As I pondered the statement I had heard, I decided to research how we build confidence. I enjoy understanding how things work and taking shortcuts to improve myself. Developing and improving myself is my favorite hobby, so I constantly seek new things to learn.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve researched how to build confidence and concluded with the following seven items:

1. Self-awareness: Confidence starts with self-awareness. Understanding ourselves is the foundation for building confidence. It’s crucial to know our strengths, weaknesses, and areas for development before trying to build confidence. Being self-aware enables us to set realistic goals and progress at a sustainable pace.

   
   

2. Self-compassion: Being kind and compassionate to ourselves reinforces our confidence foundation. Nothing sabotages fragile confidence more than self-criticism. Positive affirmations can shape our confidence, and reframing negativity into constructive thoughts can fuel self-belief.

   
   

3. Achievable goals: To become confident, we need to succeed. Success breeds confidence and encourages us to take more risks. Therefore, we should start with achievable goals that enable us to succeed and build the confidence we need.

   
   

4. Embracing failure: While we can set achievable goals, success isn’t guaranteed. We must be ready to face and embrace failure to build confidence. Failures should not be seen as setbacks but as learning opportunities to develop resilience and determination. When I think of this, I recall Karate Kid, who faced repeated failures. Failure is essential for success.

   
   

5. Continuous learning: Confidence grows when we continuously acquire new knowledge and develop new skills. This growth occurs as we push ourselves out of our comfort zones and embrace a growth mindset. By doing so, we build resilience and prove to ourselves that we can do more than we initially believed, ultimately building confidence.

   
   

6. Facing our fears: Understanding who we are (self-awareness) also means recognizing what makes us anxious and where we lack confidence. Admitting our fears is not easy, and exposing ourselves to them is even harder. Gradually confronting our fears can help us learn to be confident, even in terrifying situations.

   
   

7. Celebration: To boost confidence, it’s important to celebrate our successes and recognize when we achieve our goals or reach significant milestones.

   
   

Although the seven points above may seem obvious (let’s be honest, I didn’t share any secret revelations here 😉), building confidence is hard. It requires practice and persistence, and it’s an ongoing journey. Confidence, like physical and mental health, is a lifelong journey. Just like getting in shape, becoming confident needs consistent practice. And just as we can’t stop exercising once we’re fit, we must continue to push ourselves outside our comfort zones and face challenges head-on. We must embrace opportunities to stretch our abilities, seek feedback, and celebrate our successes. We also need to accept setbacks with kindness and self-love and try again.

To conclude, I’d like to return to the title of this article: Confidence is not a personality trait but a skill. Confidence is not an elusive trait for the selected few; anyone can cultivate it. It’s not a fixed quality but one that can be developed and maintained if we empower ourselves to embark on a journey of self-discovery and growth. With dedication, perseverance, and willingness, we can all develop. Confidence is not a destination but a lifelong journey.

Yes You Can